Perhaps, but oh so well on Twitter. Shame. I just did a morris dancer named Reg…
hahahahahahahah
Brilliant! yes.thatcan.be/my/next/tweet
I need to stop blogging when drunk.
Ideas for awesome things
The one goal i have here is to get these into action. Even though the trustfulness of the internet has, at times, been questioned, i don’t care. Steal my ideas. Become millionaires. I just want these things to exist.
People Like……. - OK! This. Is. Awesome. Basically, i have had a hard time with crushes. You meet a girl, maybe on the internet, maybe she’s perfect, and just maybe, she lives 3000 miles away and you’re broke. So things feel shit. And then you turn to this website. It lists all the people that are similar to the one you have a crush on. Email the one that is LOGISTICALLY the better choice. And BOOM! Happiness resumes. The problems would be how incredibly offensive this may be to some people. Specifically girls. And it’s a bit too creepy. But nonetheless, I want it.
Memory Holidays - Prepare to get geek-ified! That’s right! The potential for this one is staggering. So, the easiest way to describe this one is as follows. Think ‘Inception’ meets ‘Total Recall’ meets ‘National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation’. You’re there? Great! Your favourite holiday was when you were five, your mum was still alive and your family got on well. You went to The New Forest, or somewhere similar, and you have nothing but good memories. Well there are two possible methods to recreate that holiday. 1) You enter the memory inside your head and sit in a lab out in the dessert somewhere. You spend a full week there and it feels more like time-travel, as everyone is who they were back in the day. Brilliant. 2) You pay a large amount of money to the company who in turn use their in-house actors to play the roles you detail. Researchers provide these method actors with details and your memory becomes a reality. You stay for two weeks and enjoy this artificial world we custom build for you.
Seaworld, but with people - I don’t know about you, but i think people are incredibly interesting. So different (though apparently it’s racist to say so at times) and therefore i’m making the world better. You pay people to be a part of your exhibition and they sit in tanks, cages, rooms, cubicles, whatever you have. Essentially… You combine people, with Seaworld. And boom goes the mother-fucking dynamite!
Chocolate land - What’s the one thing missing from every country in the world? Yeah, you got it, a chocolate town. Every building, lamppost, postbox, car and surface is made from chocolate. Practically speaking, this isn’t the easiest to implement. But fuck it. I really want to live J.D’s dream in Scrubs.
And there you have it, invisible web people. My vision of a future. Build it for me and i will come. Yes, bitches!! I’m fixing shit!
If I were a sandwich
I’d be shit.
But in other news, i’m bored.
I’ve drunk all my beer, the last of my scotch, i’ve eaten some shit and written a couple more pages. It’s 01:10am right now and i’m fucked.
BLOG! This is so obviously awesome, it’s creepy.
And now i’m sad.
OH YES! Not only is it a poem. A poem about an owl and a pussycat. But this guy reminds me of a pirate that molested me in a dream once. Shame on him.
My garbage smells like cow boobs
Tonight i am feeling incredibly relaxed. I don’t take drugs. I don’t drink heavily. But something in my head has snapped. No longer do i care about the possibility for 83 different things to happen at any one second that would destroy the world.
For instance, the undeniable truth that a blog without a reader is much like a parade without a young white girl being molested by santa, might normally bother me. Tonight it doesn’t.
I do really want to nap.
It’s freed up my mind to think about all sorts of things. Like, what if this world is the centre of a birthday cake for a reptilian overlord on an alien planet, and one of us is going to shout “surprise” before he bites a huge fucking chunk from our sphere? Yes. It scares the brick-shaped-shit out of me. But i don’t give a fuck about Libya right now. And that’s gotta be a good thing.
I’m more than likely gonna delete this by the morning. But i do love feeling like i’m being raped by a cloud who’s momma never supported her. Fuck you cloud momma. Fuck you.
To end, i am king of the wigglefwaps. And this is my ant dance.
And, yes. I am now slightly terrified.
On another note…. Surprise!
Someone shoot my monkey
So I’ve been trying to think, what’s the best way for me to show everybody how awesome I am? I mean, I can dance like a black guy, I’m as smart as an Asian kiddy-doctor, and I smell like that beautiful Mexican woman. You know the one. All together, let’s face it, I’m Jesus. I don’t mean in that ‘dad won’t let me in the house till I save some Jews’ kinda way. Just that, when all is considered, I’m fucking brilliant. So welcome to my blog. Or as it shall soon be known - ‘The GOOD Bible’.
“What’s the terrible news?”
“Ah, just a bit of terrible news. Erm. Remember I invited some embassy officials to see the show?”
“Well, that was good.”
“Unfortunately the play drew a lot of attention to your illegal immigrant status.”
“Well that’s what it’s about, isn’t it?”
“Exactly. And the dance number, ‘Illegal Immigrants’.”
“It was a good number.”
“Great number. But not great to perform in front of these people. SO overall great! Yes, but also not great.”
“So, average?”
“Errr.”
*Reveals Department Of Immigration workers in the background*
“What, do they want to meet us?”
“Well they want to see you. Yeah. So, in addition to the good news and the terrible news, there’s also some truly awful news.”
*Cuts to them having been deported back to New Zealand*
Somehow, people as thick as shit as she seems to be, can master ‘how to put on a suit’. Why she would bother if her brain power was going to drop her off a few stops short of mentally capable i don’t know. But i did laugh at the picture anyway.
tumblrbot asked: WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE INANIMATE OBJECT?
My nan. She’s the best person to have ever supported Hitler. But she won’t move till he comes back.
